Archives for the month of: November, 2010

People bites freak me out. I’ve never been one to enjoy sexy little nibbles on the neck, play biting or any sort of related foolishness. I can only attribute this to when I came in the room when my parents were watching “Cape Fear” and Robert DeNiro took a bite out of some lady’s cheek. At the tender age of 10, this likely scarred me for life.

While calmly doing the dishes this weekend, MF came up behind me and kissed my neck. Sweet right? Totes… Until he went “RAWWWR” and proceed to play-bite me in the neck.

My first instinct was to screech in terror and instantly crumple up on the floor of the kitchen.

He walks away laughing, but frustrated. I’m still laying flat on my back on the floor of the kitchen. Laughing hysterically, of course.

“How can I have any fun with you when you just play dead like a goddamn possum?!”


I was also accused of such “possum-esque” behavior when we went to Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios for my birthday last month. After I got over the initial desire to piss myself in fear at the first haunted house we went to (in broad daylight) I was comforted by the fact that the actors (read: terrifying zombie monsters) couldn’t actually touch me.

My solution? Freeze in my tracks. If I’m not moving, they can’t chase me. If I’m not being chased, I’m less terrified. My brain said “maybe if I don’t move, they wont see me”… because zombies are totally like a t-rex.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends! I only have a few minutes before MF and I head to his mom’s place for a big fancy dinner, sure to be filled with food, wine, laughs, inappropriate comments and awkward moments. But what’s a family gathering without all that? I just wanted to take a second before we leave to give a quick list of things I’m thankful for. Keeping in mind it will not include the things that I’m ALWAYS thankful for- friends, family, health etc.

  1. My cooking ability. I’m thankful that I can whip together something impressive and tasty at a moment’s notice.
  2. Latisse. I’m loving my super long eyelashes which will continue to get longer until like January.
  3. Dr. Kupanoff at First Regional Animal Hospital. Ruca is doing great, and she totally excised that mass on her mammary gland.
  4. My two jobs. I do complain about working so much, but deep down I am thankful that I have the option of working more hours whenever I want a little extra cash. Many people don’t have this luxury.
  5. The Limited. Their pants fit my big ass perfectly, and that’s really hard to come by.
  6. Speaking of my big ass, I’m thankful for my hourglass figure. I could stand to lose a few LB’s… but overall I’m mostly content with my bod.
  7. My car. I’ve been shopping around for something different, but I’m thankful that my car really hasn’t given me any trouble since I bought it back in ’06. Plus, it takes it in stride when I refer to it as the “PT Loser”
  8. Swedish Fish
  9. Red Cup season at Starbucks
  10. Last, but definitely not least, I’m thankful for MF :) He can be grumpy sometimes, but deep in the cockles of his little heart, he is a sweet, generous, honest and kind person. Plus, he’s hot… and I’m thankful for his hotness.
pet ownership is something that brings a joy that i can imagine is only second to having a real human baby. for those of us who birthing any of our own offspring is something far, far down the road a dog is probably the next best thing.
most of you probably know or remember reading about ruca, like her halloween spent dressed as a lobster, or the time i nearly set her on fire, or more recently as she took flight as batdog.
she just turned five on october 23rd (she’s a scorpio like her mom) and i’m in the process of dealing with the first major health problem she’s ever had. MF noticed that she had been licking her doggy vag way more than normal. by “noticed” i mean he often exclaimed loudly “GROSS YOUR DOG IS LICKING HER DISGUSTING VAGINA IN MY EAR! MAKE IT STOPPPPP”
thankfully he did this, or i probably would have never really noticed it was out of the ordinary, as roo is a clean dog, and a little neurotic and would often sit around and lick her paws. over the years i’ve learned to tune it out. i brought it up at a routine check-up and was alarmed to hear of a disease called ‘pyometra’ which is apparently roughly translates to ‘pus filled uterus’. as appetizing as this sounds, it’s deadly when left untreated. a few tests and a few days later, she was in for surgery. i was pretty much a wreck, but am happy to say that she is now back at home and doing well… although more than a little displeased with her new attire.

Took Roo to the groomer yesterday. Her foul and mysterious odor had become more than I could deal with. She needed professional intervention. A Chihuahua this cute should smell like roses, not buttholes.