mollypretty | beauty in every day

Playing possum

By molly | Published: November 29, 2010

People bites freak me out. I’ve never been one to enjoy sexy little nibbles on the neck, play biting or any sort of related foolishness. I can only attribute this to when I came in the room when my parents were watching “Cape Fear” and Robert DeNiro took a bite out of some lady’s cheek. At the tender age of 10, this likely scarred me for life.

While calmly doing the dishes this weekend, MF came up behind me and kissed my neck. Sweet right? Totes… Until he went “RAWWWR” and proceed to play-bite me in the neck.

My first instinct was to screech in terror and instantly crumple up on the floor of the kitchen.

He walks away laughing, but frustrated. I’m still laying flat on my back on the floor of the kitchen. Laughing hysterically, of course.

“How can I have any fun with you when you just play dead like a goddamn possum?!”

LOL.

I was also accused of such “possum-esque” behavior when we went to Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios for my birthday last month. After I got over the initial desire to piss myself in fear at the first haunted house we went to (in broad daylight) I was comforted by the fact that the actors (read: terrifying zombie monsters) couldn’t actually touch me.

My solution? Freeze in my tracks. If I’m not moving, they can’t chase me. If I’m not being chased, I’m less terrified. My brain said “maybe if I don’t move, they wont see me”… because zombies are totally like a t-rex.

Posted in holidays, life, lols | Leave a comment

Thanks, universe!

By molly | Published: November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving, friends! I only have a few minutes before MF and I head to his mom’s place for a big fancy dinner, sure to be filled with food, wine, laughs, inappropriate comments and awkward moments. But what’s a family gathering without all that? I just wanted to take a second before we leave to give a quick list of things I’m thankful for. Keeping in mind it will not include the things that I’m ALWAYS thankful for- friends, family, health etc.

My cooking ability. I’m thankful that I can whip together something impressive and tasty at a moment’s notice.
Latisse. I’m loving my super long eyelashes which will continue to get longer until like January.
Dr. Kupanoff at First Regional Animal Hospital. Ruca is doing great, and she totally excised that mass on her mammary gland.
My two jobs. I do complain about working so much, but deep down I am thankful that I have the option of working more hours whenever I want a little extra cash. Many people don’t have this luxury.
The Limited. Their pants fit my big ass perfectly, and that’s really hard to come by.
Speaking of my big ass, I’m thankful for my hourglass figure. I could stand to lose a few LB’s… but overall I’m mostly content with my bod.
My car. I’ve been shopping around for something different, but I’m thankful that my car really hasn’t given me any trouble since I bought it back in ’06. Plus, it takes it in stride when I refer to it as the “PT Loser”
Swedish Fish
Red Cup season at Starbucks
Last, but definitely not least, I’m thankful for MF He can be grumpy sometimes, but deep in the cockles of his little heart, he is a sweet, generous, honest and kind person. Plus, he’s hot… and I’m thankful for his hotness.

Posted in holidays, life | Leave a comment

cone of doom

By molly | Published: November 12, 2010

pet ownership is something that brings a joy that i can imagine is only second to having a real human baby. for those of us who birthing any of our own offspring is something far, far down the road a dog is probably the next best thing.

most of you probably know or remember reading about ruca, like her halloween spent dressed as a lobster, or the time i nearly set her on fire, or more recently as she took flight as batdog.

she just turned five on october 23rd (she’s a scorpio like her mom) and i’m in the process of dealing with the first major health problem she’s ever had. MF noticed that she had been licking her doggy vag way more than normal. by “noticed” i mean he often exclaimed loudly “GROSS YOUR DOG IS LICKING HER DISGUSTING VAGINA IN MY EAR! MAKE IT STOPPPPP”

thankfully he did this, or i probably would have never really noticed it was out of the ordinary, as roo is a clean dog, and a little neurotic and would often sit around and lick her paws. over the years i’ve learned to tune it out. i brought it up at a routine check-up and was alarmed to hear of a disease called ‘pyometra’ which is apparently roughly translates to ‘pus filled uterus’. as appetizing as this sounds, it’s deadly when left untreated. a few tests and a few days later, she was in for surgery. i was pretty much a wreck, but am happy to say that she is now back at home and doing well… although more than a little displeased with her new attire.

Posted in ruca | Leave a comment

Dog days

By molly | Published: November 6, 2010

Took Roo to the groomer yesterday. Her foul and mysterious odor had become more than I could deal with. She needed professional intervention. A Chihuahua this cute should smell like roses, not buttholes.

Posted in ruca | Leave a comment

needles in my face

By molly | Published: October 21, 2010

no, i didn’t get anything pierced. that ship left port somewhere around my sophomore year in college.

i’m talking about the needles you stick in your face long after your wild streaks have been traded in for gray ones.

i got dysport. (for those not in the know, dysport is like botox. it’s basically a coke and pepsi thing- same drug, different manufacturer)

you might be wondering why i did this, seeing as how i haven’t even hit 30 yet. there’s a few reasons i’ll outline below-

1) i work for a cosmetic dermatologist. i spend my days telling people why it’s a good idea and i figured it’s best to have an actual personal point of view on the subject.

2) i was curious. i see people do it all day long, and i wanted to know what it was like.

3) it’s preventative. neuromodulators (the technical term for things like botox and dysport) prevent wrinkles from forming by stopping repeated movements of overactive facial muscles. mine were my forehead. i’d have a nasty line across my forehead by the end of the day taunting me in my rear view mirror on my drive home from work. now, my forehead glistens in wrinkle-free glory.

4) why not? it wears off in like 4 months. in the off chance i hated it, it fades away (but of course i effing love it!)

MF doesn’t like the idea, but i think he likes that i can’t scowl at him anymore.

Posted in aging, beauty, this is why i'm hot | Tagged botox, cosmetic, dysport | 2 Comments

All the bettah to love you weeeth

By molly | Published: October 15, 2010

If you haven’t heard of Die Antwoord, you probably will. Well, technically you just did. This is a rap group from South Africa that MF and I have been in to for a few months now. Their most recent video is catching some major momentum on the interwebs, and rightfully so. I remember the first thing I saw of them was MF nudging me with his laptop saying “hey, get a load of these guys” and showing me this here (NSFW) video-

My first reaction was to laugh my ass off and question if these guys were for real. They are.

Their newest video, Evil Boy, is really catching on. I was stoked to hear it when it came out, because we had pretty much exhausted our ipods with all their old stuff. The song itself is a super catchy hip hop song, but then I found out there was a lot more to it.

A comment from when boingboing.net posted this video paraphrases the story behind Evil Boy pretty well:

by Xeni Jardin:
So, the story behind this video and song (or part of the story — there’s so much going on!) is that Wanga felt that he was being coerced into a form of ritual circumcision by his community. It’s sort of taken for granted within his ethnic group that you must do this, so much so that if you are a young man and you do not participate, you are ostracized, as the band explained to me.

The thinking, and this is communicated very directly to the young men, is that if you don’t participate, you’re gay. You’re effeminate. You’re not a real man. You never mature from being a boy to being a man.

He struggled with all of this in real life: with what it meant for his personal and cultural identity. And he came to a point where he was like, you know what? Fuck you all. The fact that I won’t consent to having my penis sliced with an unsterilized knife, out in the bush, and risk infection or worse– that doesn’t mean “I’m gay,” as you say. I reject this tradition. If that’s what being a man is, fuck it, I don’t want to be a man. I’ll be an “evil boy for life,” even if it means I am ostracized from my community.

One can only wonder if now that this tradition has been brought to the light of mainstream culture, more young Xhosa men stand up for themselves if they don’t want to endure this ritual.

And there I was just thinking it was just a bunch of dudes wagging their peens around.

Posted in interwebs | 1 Comment

i’m banned from groupon

By molly | Published: October 8, 2010

there are two rather large containers of frozen dessert in the freezer right now. why? because yogurtland in scottsdale had a groupon. i bought it months ago, and it was expiring yesterday, so i drug MF (very much against his will) to yogurtland to fill up two large containers full of more fro-yo than we should ever be eating. why? BECAUSE IT WAS HALF OFF.

tonight, i drag MF (this time even more against his will) to central phoenix for a poetry reading of selected works of edgar allan poe. did i do this because i have any particular interest in edgar allan poe? because i looove poetry? no. i did it because GROUPON WAS SAVING ME TWELVE DOLLARS AND FIFTY CENTS! clearly i had no other choice.

obviously the ride home wasn’t without protest- i listened the whole way as to why it was completely whack and how MF would have rather been at home playing games on his iphone while on the shitter. my idea for redeeming myself? offering to get us dinner! where do i suggest? how about the sandwich shop that i… um…. have a groupon for.

this is getting out of hand. i even still have two tickets to a pumpkin patch in scottsdale (?!) and five classes of bikram yoga.

i’m cut off.

Posted in guilty pleasures | 3 Comments

is it just me…

By molly | Published: October 6, 2010

or is this just a touch unnecessary?

and why yes, that is a fabulous harvey’s seat belt bag.

Posted in lols | 1 Comment

Ode to the Phoenix Light Rail

By molly | Published: October 4, 2010

Oh Phoenix Light rail, how I love you so. You know how much I despise parking parking downtown. You make going to concerts and sporting events a breeze. You rarely smell like pee.

You do get kind of crowded sometimes.