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Smaller, stronger, fitter.

October 8, 2012 //
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That’s how I’m starting to feel. FINALLY. I’ve been really putting my mind to it for about the last 7 weeks or so. Give or take. Foursquare says I’ve been at the gym for six consecutive weeks. My LA Fitness check in record says September has been my most active month to date. Instagram is showing off my good food choices. I’m pretty consistently below my calorie budget, per my LoseIt App. My fitbit is tracking my steps, and I’m averaging at least 6,000 per day (which could use a little work, but hey).

Clearly technology has been a big part of this.

I don’t think I’d be able to be as clearly on point without the help of my websites, gadgets and apps. It’s really been helpful. I’m a person who lives and dies by numbers- they make things tangible for me.

Or I’m just a huge nerd.

I’ve also found myself really enjoying a bootcamp style class being offered at my gym. The class is fun, super intense, and the instructor is great. The station/circuit style of the class makes it go by quicker and keeps it interesting. The first class I was pretty sure I was going to die, but somehow made it through. Almost puked a few times, but luckily managed to choke it back. Now the class is getting a little easier, and I really look forward to it.

Feeling strong is new and exciting. I don’t have my running endurance as high as I used to, but I am faster. My sprints are a higher MPH and can last longer. With having more of a focus on lifting, I can feel myself becoming more toned and it’s so awesome. It’s really what has been motivating me to keep going. I was even able to increase the size of the freeweights I’m using during my classes.

One thing that is difficult is that I compare the amount of effort I’m putting out now versus how hard I worked years ago, and I see how it’s taking me so much more now that I’m older. If I would have worked this hard at 22, I’d be flaunting around in a bikini by now. Annoying. I want to shake the shit out of my early 20’s self. I’d say “Oh, you think you’re fat now? Just wait. You don’t even know.”

Hopefully in another 7 weeks I’ll have made even better progress. I also hope that my vacation doesn’t totally derail me. I want to work out when I can, jog on the beach in Florida, drink water, snack less. This will be a challenge, but a good one.

 

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Categories aging, beauty, health, life, this is why i'm hot

Remembering Ben

July 9, 2012 //
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I woke up to a text from Ben’s mom this morning, as I sort of expected I would. She told me that she would be spending the day at the beach with his sister and nieces, and planned to plant a Larkspur in his memory in the garden. I didn’t really know what to say back, but told her that sounded like a lovely day, and let her know I had dinner with her brother Mark and his wife Kay and their family the night before and was thankful to spend more time with them. Uncle Mark was the officiant at our wedding, and always he was one of the uncles that Ben and I felt closest to. Always a great listener full of helpful advice, funny stories and lots of wisdom. The love he has for his wife and family is so strong and palpable it’s contagious.

The Bradshaw family has always treated me as one of their own, and being away from my own family I am particularly grateful for that. His parents always had a refrigerator to dig through, cable TV and a comfy couch to kill time on. After we parted ways, I lost (and missed) that comfort. Dinner last night was something I needed. A family together, siblings, cousins, children, probably 15 people or so. Everyone gathered around a table, sharing a meal and stories. When they prayed, I also went to my knees and silently thought of how thankful I was to be surrounded by people who loved me. While my relationship with Ben was tumultuous, we were very much in love and I always felt like a member of his family. Always accepted without condition, even though our beliefs differed greatly.

Ben would have been 30 today. A milestone that I had no doubt we’d experience together at one point. Our birthdays were only 3 months apart, so I always had a good few weeks of “old man” jokes before it was my turn. I started the day wondering if there was anything I could do in his memory, but as the day progressed I found myself just thinking about him a lot. I’ve found that most of the hurt and resentment I had felt over our split has mostly dissipated, as I expected it would. I’m becoming more adjusted to the reality of the situation, but pangs of sadness hit me from time to time. It seems that I’m not the best at the memorial rituals, but he’s on my mind today- as are all of the wonderful, loving, beautiful people he left behind.

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Categories aging, life

Back on the wagon

June 25, 2012 //
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Back to reality from superbirthdayvegasextravaganza2012.

That shit was bananas. My 2st birthday was spent puking at a costume party, followed by about a week of living drinking in dive bars in Anchorage. I think I’ve set the bar a bit higher for kid sister. It was so fun walking past Disneyland-length lines of hopeful club goers, stepping right to the front and taking a private escort to a secluded area behind the DJ booth.  Ha! It was very cool meeting Morgan Page, the Stafford Brothers, Timmy Trumpet and their crews. Thanks for the endless bottles of Belvedere, limitless redbulls, good company, and the experience of a lifetime for both my sister and myself. Now I just have to convey to kid sister, that no, Vegas isn’t always like this for us non music industry common-folk. So please don’t move there.

In normal life news, I’m back to eating right/working out. Doctor says I’m a full 100% back to normal and I can resume strenuous exercise. And strenuously exercise I shall. After this month of regaining all the stamina I lost from being sedentary (ugh) I’m going to try my hand at Crossfit. I’m nervous, but actually really excited. I have three good friends who have been doing it for awhile, and whaddya know- they all look great.

I’m really trying to not think of this as a “weight loss” thing. I just want to be strong. Really strong. I want to be able to do 100 pushups without taking a break. I want to do a pullup. I’ve never even done ONE! I want to feel that strong for the first time. My running, yoga and pilates just isn’t cutting it. I’ll keep running for mental clarity and yoga for relaxation, but I want to start lifting and pushing myself to my limits. I’m prepping all my week’s foods this evening and heading to my favorite weight lifting class. I’m so looking forward to being sore tomorrow :)

Also, I’ve made an appointment with my general dentist to get an exam to see what I need to have done before I get my braces put on. I’m shooting for the end of July to get them on, but that might depend on if I have to get my wisdom teeth out (eek!). I’m getting anxious again… I felt like my ortho appointment was almost too good to be true. I feel like I’m going to go to the general dentist and it’s going to be so much more than I can afford, I’ll be back to feeling hopeless. Keep your fingers crossed that it’s somewhere between what my insurance will cover and what I have squirreled away in my savings account.

I know my little personal “transformations” wont be done by my 30th birthday like I had originally hoped, but this is progress, and I’m very proud of myself! Next step? Wrapping up my undergrad and thinking about grad school!

Categories aging, beauty, health, life, smile

Smile v2.0

June 20, 2012 //
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I’m turning 30 in a few months, and getting my smile fixed was on my list of things I have been wanting to accomplish by then. My teeth have been a huge insecurity of mine since I was about 20 years old and I broke two of them.  That caused a lot of shifting as I didn’t have dental insurance and never got implants or a bridge to replace the lost teeth. They have progressively gotten worse, and I’ve become more and more embarrassed by them.

As posted earlier, I had my first orthodontic consultation at MacDonald Orthodontics and I was nothing short of delighted. Looks like I’m finally on my way to loving my smile again! I actually walked out of the appointment and cried for 10 minutes in my car because I was so overwhelmed and happy that it was actually going to happen. It had always seemed so out of reach.

During all my research I found video blogs on YouTube to be particularly helpful. It was interesting to hear first hand how people reacted to getting their braces an what their experiences were like. I have decided to do the same- I’m going to be video blogging my entire experience. I’m even going to ask Dr. MacDonald if he’ll let me film part of me getting my braces put on, and maybe one or two of my wire changes.

Here’s my first video, and I’ll be posting more as I go. I’m looking at mid July for getting them put on, as I need to get a few fillings and such before then. If you want to subscribe, here’s a link to my channel

Categories aging, beauty, life

Finally

June 1, 2012 //
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I was right. It was fate. Tupac bought my car. I’m so thankful, and I’m seriously looking forward to having some wiggle room in my budget. Savings? Yes please. Paying off debt? Sure, why not. Braces? Yup. Plus, we’re fishing for a roommate so that should make the money scenario even better. This summer is gonna be good! I sense a vacay.

We all know that May isn’t my month (particularly this past May)… so I’m welcoming June 1st with wide open arms. The Vegas trade show, my sister’s 21st birthday, the Makeup Artist show in Los Angeles- I’m going to be a busy bee, buzzing around with all sorts of fun things that make me happy. I really can’t wait. It’s a clean slate, a fresh start and I’m happily getting my normal positive mental attitude back. After sister’s birthday, I can start planning for my own awesome birthday celebration. Dirty 30, here I come- and hopefully I’ll be welcoming it while sprawled out on a beach, slathered with SPF, and holding a drink fashioned out of a coconut with a teeny umbrella in it.

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Categories aging, life
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